Thursday, November 1, 2007

Toxins. Marbles. And Who I Am.

So, there's this girl at my school. You know. The kind of girl who always seems to have a chip on her shoulder.

She always seems too exhausted and too fed up to deal with anything.

She's only 21 and she is jaded. She just doesn't know what joy is or how to deal with it.

She'll get defensive before the hat drops.

Her mouth will just drop open and complaints will just fall out, as if she's stuffed her face with marbles--complaint marbles--and she can't fit any more in.

She's not perfect... and she's let her limitations get the best of her.

And I realize, as I look at her and I think that life could so easily be so much better for her, that, too often, that girl is me.

I make people tired to look at me.

I approach life like it drains me... as if people aren't to be trusted... as if fun takes too much effort...

Because I can't impress the people I'd like to impress? Because I'm not the perfect person I'd always wanted to be?

Life is too long to be stressed. Life is too short to be stressed. It doesn't mean I don't care. It just means that I realize that I can't be the toxic, bitter person I've felt myself becoming.

I don't subscribe to burnout.

I subscribe to wonderful days... I believe that it's a good thing to be busy doing what I like... I believe that my time here can be filled with sleep and game nights and girl chats and champagne on my 21st and lots of phenomenal shows. That's part of what I came here for, and I definitely did not come here to be too shy or resentful or busy to enjoy it all.

1 comment:

Ben said...

Great post, Claire. Really.

It makes me want to go have a tickle fight with my kids or something.

Dang... I'm way too serious today.