Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I'm a fighter. I'm an academic. I'm less than six months away from my legal champagne dinner. I'm praying.

Dear Jesus,

a. I've been listening to Darius de Haas' version of "King of the World." I hate to say it, but I identify quite a bit with the feeling of "ohcrapletmeoutofhere." It's not really senioritis because there are miles to go before I can blow everything off. But it's intensifying--I don't want to feel stuck anymore, I want to knock everybody's socks off, I want to have an apartment with a Mac (named Macheath!) and a cat (named Maxwell Silverhammer!), I want, I want, I want. I know I'm not ready for the rest of my life--this is why I am a junior--but I feel like I'm in a second stage of adolescence, just waiting for the day when my feet aren't awkwardly too large for the rest of my body and I can get out there and assimilate to the real world.

Gee thanks, college.

b. Other than the above feeling--which is not altogether unpleasant--I have been having some good times. I have lived dangerously. I have flagrantly broken rules that were meant to be broken. For me, this does not mean illicit drug use or shoplifting or anything else of that nature. Just thought I should make that clear.

c. I feel like I should be saving the world right now. Where is my sense of purpose? What do I do with it? See "a." Since I am so confused about what, exactly, I should be doing with my urges to impact the world and make connections with people... my immediate inclination is to forget the world and find some Haagen-Dazs. (It took me two tries to spell Haagen-Dazs correctly, and I'm normally a first-try-for-the-win speller. Darn you to heck, Hristov family!)

d. I want someone to talk smart to me. I am growing impatient with pretentious people and with stupid people.

e. I am impatient, unfulfilled and I AM TWENTY. WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING?


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