Sunday, July 29, 2007

Please remember to not inadvertently break the law with malice and forethought, okay?

I went to Food Lion yesterday, and by their shopping cart deck, they had this sign:

"Please remember to leave your shopping cart on the premises for others to use."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure forgetfulness is the issue here. "Whoops! I got home from the grocery store, and my buggy is in the back of the minivan. Silly me!"

I think it's a (again, correct me if I'm wrong) stealing issue.

Mom pointed out that it was a nice way of saying, "Don't steal the shopping carts."

Well, can't they think of some nice way of saying, "Don't steal the shopping carts?"

Something like, "Please don't steal the shopping carts?"

Or has postmodern thought (very idealistic... I admire some of it, and I am a closet deconstructionist) gotten to the point where we can't call a spade a spade, because what is a spade? It's whatever the author wants it to be.

Look, here's my spade. It may look like a stolen shopping cart, but no, seriously, it's a spade.


Ben said...

Please stop ramming your spade down my throat. That may be a spade to you, and I respect that. That's your truth and you have every right to believe in that spade. If you need a spade to lean on, then I'm really happy that you found it.

But I don't see a spade at all. I don't think there is a such thing as a spade. Gardens dug and planted themselves over billions of years beginning with a mill worm that turned into a turnip. I don't need to believe in a spade, therefore I don't.

But that's my truth and I don't expect you to believe it. Just don't tell me it isn't true. That's the unpardonable sin of intolerance.

Claire said...

My spade, my life, dude.

Jess Vess said...

claire, your wit cracks me up. thank you for creating this blog so that i can enjoy it in daily doses. :)

SingForHim 94 @ Real Life said...

What about those poor homeless people who need a cart to push around their meager belongings. Do you really want to deprive them of their right to other people's things?

That is in the Constitution, right? ;)