a. It's killing me that I'm not back at school right now.

I don't wish I was back at school all the time or even most of the time, but I do miss my friends there... I miss my class and how cool we were... I miss the department... I miss getting to welcome the first-years and seeing how they grow over a semester dedicated to the culler of the herd, Miss Pax Xxda*, drama, and stagecraft...

I even miss reading science fiction for Schroeder. I don't always appreciate science fiction--too many bogus terms and made-up names, it's a recipe for nerddom disaster, what's next? cons?--but I look back fondly on Marxist criticism...

In dealing with this, I've been watching MissShanna's makeup tutorials on youtube... it doesn't make me miss her voice or her Coastal Scents palette any less... but it's how I deal.

Actually, youtube is a pretty important coping mechanism. As the form that my grief is taking, I watch any and all videos linked to from Twitter, etc. I just watched Mike's link--a video of his boyfriend, Gavin--last night. And then I looked up the name of my school and watched all the illegal videos of productions, which made me feel incredibly rebellious.

b. Don't tell me what I can't do. Becoming a theme in my life.

c. Reasons to love Publix: the natural section with steel cut oats**, the giant scale in front (what? I'm curious), the fresh sushi, the feeling I get when I shop there instead of Walmart. Grocery stores down here are infinitely better than the ones up there. However, I just realized with a pang that I'm farther away from Wawa. UGH.

d. How about that nighttime shuttle launch? Now I can say I've seen one and will never have to stay up for one again... oh wait... it's the LAST ONE.

e. My latest thing is vegan marshmallow brownies from here: http://www.drunkenmonkeycoffee.com/
I haven't found a coffee beverage that I love yet... but I'm young, give me time...
But yeah... vegan brownies are so good, I may just actually try to make some one day.

*Triple Xs notwithstanding, not a porn star
**Steel Cut Oats would be an awesome band name... it's a little bluegrass, hippie and rock at the same time...

at work and play

The 411...

I moved, a little over a week ago.

I drove in what appeared to me to be a torrential rainstorm. In hindsight... this opinion may change as hurricane season comes upon me and I get to experience what real rain really is.

Through it all, God... and my confidence in Him... has been pretty incredible. These past few weeks have been full of firsts and full of what I can only describe as "adulthood"--thinking about insurance and checking my radiator fluid and moving my bed away from the window to keep far away from the bugs... and ultimately, I have peace about where I am.

I do sort of miss being a student, and I most definitely miss theatre. I, obviously, am not working a theatre job right now. This was my choice and I'm totally excited about my present job and my future in the arts. However... this is not an artistic borough. It's new, it's developing, and it's a little suburban. Too far away from Disney for the Disney performers to come and detox with the production of real art. We'll see... maybe I can find my theatre after all...

Figuring things out... my nose ring is on the right side (the left) and I haven't starved yet... so I must be doing something right.

I think I want to read C.S. Lewis' Til We Have Faces again. I read it in high school, which is to say that I never really read it... from the quotes that I read from it recently, I think that TWHF really describes the bitterness that a religious person can have... so yeah, thoughts may be forthcoming.

I have been rereading Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Apparently graduating college makes me regress to high school... but I have this new translation that I'm excited about... and Underground Man reminds me of Jordan Hunt... and we all miss Jordan.

This week is wack.

For those of you who know me, and who pay attention, you know this is the last week of my internship. Then, I'm coming back for a week. Then, I'm leaving to start my job here.

It's a tad stressful... and it doesn't help that Florida is kind of Jurassic Park-ish, with these crazy, baldheaded birds, and I can see all the vultures ominously staring down my back, wondering if I can get everything done or if I am the next roadkill.

Something isn't right. Maybe it's my hair--blond again. Too blond? Not blond enough?

Maybe it's the coffee. Too dark? Not dark enough?

Something doesn't seem to fit... and it's not the opportunities that I'm confident God has given me... it's the waiting for them.