They call this... fear?

I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!

...I guess I'm scared.

Scared that what I wanted so intensely is too big, too smart, too religious for me and my attached mistakes.

Scared that it's not meant to be and that I'll get burned.

I don't need or want anyone to tell me I'm big enough, smart enough, or Christian enough for this. I need people to pray that God would change my heart to want what He wants. That every struggle would end with a limp--a permanent change in me thanks to a ridiculous encounter.

Occupational hazard of being a passionate person, I guess. I've fallen in over my head for a dream I know is the real thing. I just don't know what to do with it.

I keep seeing myself as so much bigger than I really am. I hate that.

I, I, I, I, I.

Grody.